Dear 2020
Dear 2020
Nine months of being alone. All I can say is wow!
People are probably tired of talking about this year, but I have to say it has forced me to reflect on things quite a bit and will be a year I’m forever grateful. You see, 2020 is the year that I worked fully independent for the first time. No side gig with my BFF. No corporate team to lean on. Just me.
Independence can bring so much joy and feeling of accomplishment, but it can also be overwhelming and lonely. Couple that with my family living out of state and my dating life continuing to be a rollercoaster, 2020 was a year that I spent more time in my head than any other.
With all of this alone time, I learned a lot about myself.
I learned who I feel comfortable leaning on to find comfort.
I learned where I get energy from to tackle the day.
I learned how I occupy my time to help the hours go by a bit easier.
I learned how grateful I am for my pup and how much I love her (as if I didn’t love her enough).
And I learned how much geography plays a role in my every day activities and happiness.
My biggest revelation though…is that I turn to work to fill any void that I feel. Today’s a perfect example. It is Christmas day and I’m spending it by myself for the first time in my life. What did I choose to do with my time? Well, I did a bit of laundry, cooked, watched some TV, and worked a few hours.
You’re either thinking I’m completely crazy, or if you take a second and sit back to think, you might be able to relate. I hear so often that adults lose themselves in their career, or in their kids, because it’s easier. Now I can relate first hand.
My mother retired this month and all I can think of is that I would have no clue how to occupy all of the free time. What day to day hobbies could I take on? What brings me joy and fills my cup? Sure I’m passionate about being active and traveling, but I’ve never preferred to do things by myself. And guess what…I’m always by myself! Especially this year.
So because I had so much alone time in 2020, I found myself sometimes counting down the hours of the day and eagerly hoping for tomorrow? It’s as if I was wishing away my time on this earth without even realizing it. I believe my reasoning for these subconscious thoughts though is because I get so much energy from the people I surround myself with and I unfortunately wasn’t able to receive much of that energy this year. Instead, I had to sit in my uncomfortable feelings and start to ask myself, WHAT WILL BRING ME JOY that I can do INDEPENDENTLY?
The funny thing is…I have a list of activities I would like to do; I just always find myself putting it off. Telling myself maybe a friend would want to join, or a date down the road. Well enough is enough. I’m tired of feeling down in the dumps, alone and unfulfilled on a personal level. I love my career and clients. I now need to find joy in more than just my work.
So, starting tomorrow, I’m going to push myself to try a new activity each week solo. Whether it be an outdoor activity like snowshoeing or ice skating, or something at home such as a DIY project, I’m going to focus on finding activities that bring me joy. Enough with the numbing television, hours laying in bed on Instagram, or extra hours of work. There is nothing wrong with being alone and I need to finally allow myself the freedom to feel that fully.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
What did you learn about yourself this year? And don’t tell me that the only thing you learned coming out of 2020 was that you have a strong sweat pant game. No, you’ve got something much better. Reflect on your trials and successes this year. What are you so thankful for and where were you pushed into feeling uncomfortable? How do you feel you’ve grown? What do you know you don’t want to do anymore, or what you do want to do?
Whatever your thoughts and feelings may be, remember they are your own. Because someone else may not be feeling the same doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t warranted. Sit in this moment of reflection and dig deep. You’re in control whether you feel like you are or not. Take the necessary steps to shape your life into what you want. Waiting around for someone else to help fill your cup or make the change for you is just not going to happen. Make 2021 your bitch!
BEFORE I GO…
Before I leave you with that, I just want to ask a favor. If you know of anyone that has gone through this year alone, no matter the circumstances or age, reach out. When I have received a call, text or even better yet, Facetime, my heart feels a little more joy. With social media these days, the outside world is constantly being portrayed as picture perfect. From growing families, to beautiful engagements/weddings, to body success stories. The support system you surround yourself with will always put you in check and remind you how much you have to be grateful for, but when you’re in your own head for long periods of time, you can sometimes forget that and start comparing yourself to “social norms”. A call or text is a great way to remind someone that you are there for them and that they are cared for.
All the best,
Jen
