How to Set Healthy Boundaries and Stick to Them
a Mental Break From the Grind
When it comes to my blog, I use the space as my creative outlet. I allow myself to be less rigid, planned out, and structured. It’s almost like a diary of my thoughts that I want to share with the world. Whatever I’m feeling in the moment, if I think it will bring value to others, I take the time to express my views, share my tips, and do the necessary self work collectively.
Today, I acknowledge that I need to slow the F down and smell the freaking roses.
Setting Boundaries
I’ve never been one who sets good boundaries. I’m typically more of an extremist. I either go at something full bore, with no breaks, or I don’t do it and just let the universe take the wheel. I’m either all in or all out.
Unfortunately (or fortunately?), when you give something your all for days, weeks, and months on end, your energy tank is bound to run out. You need to take breaks. You need to allow time for your wants and needs. You need to allow yourself to time recharge.
Relationship Boundaries
To give you a little context on where this is all coming from, I’ve been reflecting a lot lately to understand what it is I’m chasing in life. I’m a single, dog mom, ex-corporate America worker turned entrepreneur. I work 12-16 hour days in real estate, and am constantly juggling the needs and questions of clients, realtors, title companies, lenders, contractors, inspectors, etc. My phone and inbox can sometimes feel like, what I assume parents felt like throughout the pandemic - a constant distraction from being able to get work done without interruption.
Don’t get me wrong, I love what i do. It’s just the fact that I often put my own needs to the side (working out, cooking, walking my dog, etc.) for my clients and that’s not their fault, it’s mine! I allow calls and text messages to take place at all hours of the day. I have created the expectation that anyone working with me can expect a response within 0-90 minutes of reaching out, no matter the form of communication. And guess what…I, and only I, am choosing to live this way. But why?
If I’m Being Honest With Myself
I am striving to build a successful business and am pouring my heart and soul into it. I continue to tell myself it will only be a few more years like this, and then it will all pay off.
But today, I’m taking a minute to pause! I’m asking myself, what is my end goal? And guess what? The end goal for me is to do the exact opposite of what I’m doing today! I am working this hard so I don’t have to in 10 years. So that I have the “freedom” to do what I want, when I want, and to be “financially” free.
Doesn’t that sound like it defeats the purpose? What if I told you that it is a bunch of crap! What if I told you that you need to take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself…
Will it ever be enough?
Will you ever slow down if you don’t start making changes today?
What makes your time today less valuable than your time in 5-10 years?
Change is Good
Instead, what I’m going to begin coaching myself through is how to start setting boundaries and building a healthy work/life balance I love. I want to start molding my daily life through a different lens. A lens that understands I’m a lot closer to my “ideal” life than I ever took the time to realize. A life fulfilled with successes, bountifulness, loved ones, and happiness. To say “no” to a feeling of needing more and more and more. Only I can be in control of making change. Building an empire and dominating an industry no longer needs to be my focus. I’ve proved to myself that I’m good at what I do, and it is now time to refocus my energy to ME!
Healthy Boundaries & Goal Setting
To help with this, I’ve pulled a list of healthy boundary ideas together that I am going to implement over the next couple of weeks. Remember, change can be hard. It’s all about creating goals, holding yourself accountable, and taking it slow. (Seeing how I’m an extremist, slow is not my strong suit but I’ll try.)
A word to the wise: remove all other goals and big focuses off of your plate. By allowing yourself to solely focus on one task at a time, it will maximize your energy and concentration on achieving what’s in front of you. Over time it will become a habit, and then you can move forward as if on autopilot. The first couple weeks are crucial, and then repetition will be your friend for months 1-3. Check out my Goal Setting and Accountability post if you need any helpful tips and tricks. You can do it!! We can do it!
Defining Boundaries
Do not disturb time batching - Set your phone to “do not disturb” between specific times of the day. We live and breath on these things, and when dealing with clients and vendors at various hours, this is going to be my personal saving grace to my workaholic nature.
Airplane mode or turn your phone off - If you still have troubles even looking at your phone to see if you have any new notifications, try turning your phone onto airplane mode, or just turn it off completely. I will be leveraging airplane mode when I want to use my phone for an audiobook or music, but note you need to download items in advance to use them in this setting.
Do not disturb while driving - Texting and driving is still a real thing. I know I’m guilty of it from time to time because I get anxious when I don’t respond to clients’ texts immediately. Again, this is no one’s fault but my own, and it’s not safe! I created a solve, I began using the automatic driving notifications that are sent via text. It’s a win-win. My clients get a response and I keep my hands on the wheel.
Set expectations - When meeting with your team, clients, etc. be sure to set expectations. If you want one day off per week, make sure they know you will not be available that day and STICK TO IT! If you bend the rules, even once, they will forget about that boundary and you will be back at square one. I’m not there yet, but I may strive for a half day at some point. One day at a time.
Say no - I am not good at this, but maybe it’ll work for you. If you don’t want to do something or you need to cut back on taking on more, just say no. I think we get caught up in feeling like we are missing out or not taking advantage of what may be in front of us, but if you reposition the lens and see what you’re giving up by not saying no, it can feel far more rewarding!
Time block - By blocking off certain times of the day on your calendar, you more easily can get into a routine. It’s there to remind you, hold you accountable, and to help leverage every hour of your day more strategically. I highly recommend time blocking and adjusting as you work through the kinks of what works best for you.
With that, I will leave you to it! Take back your day however you see fit. Remind yourself to refocus on all that you are accomplishing vs. what you have yet to accomplish. It’s not a bad thing to have goals, but by living in the moment, you might just come to realize your life is pretty phenomenal as is.
Wishing you all the best!
Jen
Investor // Landlord and DIYer // Realtor // Business Consultant // Globe Trotter // Converting Vegan.
